Woes of the Motherhood

痛在她小手指上, 更痛在我心上...
(Direct translation: Pain on her small finger, more pain in my heart...)

Kesian to see this bandage...

The above sentence really explain how I felt on the 23 December 2011. Though my husband, my sister in law and my mother in law comforted me that accident does happen, I still cannot forgive myself. I think this is the worst Christmas gift that Annabelle gotten from me.

In the morning, after her feed; I had to cut her finger nails as I can see scratches appeared on her tummy and also the corner of her eyes. I started with the left hand, 3rd finger, 4th finger; and finally the small finger; I heard "ahh!!" from Annabelle. Then, all that I know I accidentally cut her skin and blood started to flow out from the wound. I had to wake Ivan up and told him what happened and I quickly rush down to take some ice from the freezer. Annabelle was not crying but she felt irritated as me and the father were holding her hand so that she does not move her fingers. Ivan was so calm and I was really shivering and crying away. I cannot forgive myself that I had cut my daughter and hurt her.

Ivan put her small finger into the ice but the blood is just not stopping. We tried to press it with cotton and even yellow lotion, it still continues flowing like water. I got even more panic and all that I want to do is to bring her to a doctor.

In my pyjamas, we rush to the nearest 24 hours clinic; but the clinic was closed and it does not operate as 24 hours. On the way, I covered her finger with her handkerchief and I can see that the blood is soaking through the area that I covered. Annabelle was calm but a little fidget, she was falling asleep in my arm. We decided to sent her to GH Klang Kecemasan.

We reached the Unit Kecemasan, registered her, the MO checked on her and told me that she is okay except need to inspect the wound. I thank God that it was still early and there were no crowd at the centre; we were called and MO inspected her wound and I was told that injury was only on the surface of the skin and told me to compress the wound as they can't apply any medication due to her age. After awhile, the bleeding was slow down but still not stopping. The MO came in and try to bandage her little finger. We were told to wait for 20 minutes to see if the bleeding stop. Finally, it stopped. Thank God for that. We went home then.

Annabelle is really a stong baby. She just cry not because she is in pain but I was holding her hand and fingers. She slept for awhile when we were at home. When she got up, she was playing and remain as active as before. Before her bath, her bandage has came out of it and I can see that the wounded area start to dry up and skin is healing.

See the blood stains and the nail clipper

Still playing well and wanted the papa to carry.

Slept well with the small finger sticking out...

Oh my God! Till now, I still can't forgive myself of being so carelesss that I hurt my daughter. I was tearing so much that my daughter probably can't recognize me :). :p..  Though I know accident does happen, if I could have cut her nails when she is asleep, this may not happen. I also know that I can't avoid from cutting her nails in the future, all that I will do is to be more careful, do it when she is asleep and pray hard. Ai... what an gift of Christmas...